the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
