hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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