don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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