office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
