There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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