Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
