Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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