i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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