oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
