If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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