Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
