It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
