my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
