I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
