I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
