i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
