did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
