I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
