my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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