please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
