He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
