Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
