i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
