I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
