Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
