I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
