i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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