Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
