If that was your dad, he is hot
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize