Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
