Do you still have your period?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
