I wish I only lived at night.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
