Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
