HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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