my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
