I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
