Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
