I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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