I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
