It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
