I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
