im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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