I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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