apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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