My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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