you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
