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He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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