There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
