You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
