I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
