Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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