Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
