Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
