Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
