Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
