When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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