Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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