He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
