Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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