Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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