On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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