babies were throwing up all over the place
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
