I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize