I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
