Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
