he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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