her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
