Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
