is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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